At the cusp of 2014, a friend of mine clued me in to the idea
of finding a “New Year’s word”. Here’s how it works. You choose a word that reflects
the biggest obstacle you need to work on in your life. It’s not a goal or a
resolution; it’s emotionally deeper than that. You don’t need willpower or a
checklist. All you need is to listen to yourself. You keep that word in the
forefront of your mind the whole year, which will presumably lead you to making
that issue a priority.
At the time, I only half believed in the value of having a word. Still, after much soul
searching, I chose the word release
and made my best efforts to think about its meaning for me on a daily basis. As
it turns out, it’s not a bunch of hooey. Eight months later, I’m reaping the
emotional rewards of my deliberation.
There were several things I consciously worked on releasing
the first six months of the year, like certain people and expectations of
myself and others. However, the more surprising lessons I learned were those
instances where I didn’t even realize there were things I needed to release. Keeping
my word in mind was more powerful than I thought.
It started a few months back with a Facebook acquaintance. I
only knew her online, a friend of a friend. I noticed after I accepted her friend
request that a flurry of news articles started appearing on my Facebook
newsfeed. Whenever she commented on them or shared the links, they would appear
-- and apparently she did this A LOT. I found myself reading many of them. The
thing with Internet articles, whether they are from the Huffington Post or Fox
News, is that they aren’t meant to inform as much as to incite. Whether you
agree with their stance or not, they are written to provoke. They are
invariably one-sided, often trading impartiality for an enticing headline.
Outrage is the desired outcome.
So for several months I would browse this Facebook friend’s caustic
posts and comments, and at times read the article she felt so strongly about as
to call other commenters fucktards
for disagreeing with her opinion. As those of you on FB know, this is often par
for the course with social media discussions. Sometimes I agreed with her,
sometimes I didn’t, but I never involved myself, so the exchanges barely
registered on my radar. Or so I thought.
However, after months of her rants, I finally decided to
un-friend her. I didn’t think any more about it, but the following week, I felt
quite a bit lighter for no particular reason. Then I realized it was because I
wasn’t allowing her daily vitriol into my life. Just because it wasn’t against
me, I thought it wasn’t affecting me, but I was mistaken. When someone goes
through life so angry at everything, whether couching it in support for a cause
or not, it still seeps into everyone they touch, even virtually.
This latest release
lesson was reinforced when my family and I took an 8-day road trip this summer.
Limited television and Internet had the obvious benefit of insulating us during
our vacation, heightening the experience of being away. What I didn’t expect
was that it also alleviated stress I didn’t know I was harboring.
We are bombarded with nasty politics, wars, missing children
and pets, abuse, and trauma from all over the world. No longer do we get a mere
daily newspaper and our thirty minutes of Peter Jennings dispensing the
national news. We are inundated 24/7 and almost all of it is negative and
skewed. Are all of these headlines really making us more informed? Or are they
creating an environment where everyone jumps to conclusions and opinions, which
promptly turn into personal attacks? We’ve become a society that feeds on
negativity and fear veiled in concern.
I don’t believe in burying my head in the sand, yet my
knowledge of all the unfairness in the world, all the sad things that happen to
others, and all the causes that ought to be funded isn’t helping any of those
situations. I don’t believe simply knowing about all these things makes us
contributing members of society. I can’t hear about every bad event and I can’t
help everybody. I can only do my small part. Hearing about endless tragedies
only makes me feel fearful, anxious, and overwhelmed. How about you?
So I released my need to read everything I come across.
Instead of scrolling through the headlines daily, I glance at them maybe once a
week. And after taking a Facebook hiatus during vacation, I realize I can go entire
days without it, and I do.
Being without outside distractions of situations I can’t
control makes me more fully present in my own life, where I have (just a little)
more control. This simple change has made me much more content. I’ve become more
aware of all the wonderful things about my family, my home, and my town. I find
myself feeling grateful rather than fearful, hopeful rather than helpless. I
think an optimistic outlook and a positive attitude is infinitely more
conducive to making a beneficial impact on our world. I release the rest.
