2017 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: LET'S NOT CHANGE

Heading into the new year is usually a time of reflection for me, as it is for most of us. I choose a new word each year that I try to keep in the forefront of my thoughts as a guide. The word alone doesn’t make anything magical happen, I just keep it as a reminder of my intention. One year my word was CREATE. By keeping that word in my thoughts, I also brought it to action more than I may have otherwise. I ended up doing a lot of it that year, creating a tribe for myself and writing a novel. Last year my word was CLIMB because I was very low and I knew my year would be difficult, I wanted to remind myself not just to keep going, but to rise as I did so. These past weeks, I have to admit, I have been putting off thinking of a word for 2017. With all the transitions I’ve faced in 2016, I hardly wanted to put in any more time reflecting. So, naturally, I turned to Facebook memes to show me who to be in 2017.

This makes me want to add: Don’t let others tell you what to do! 

Not that any of us feel compelled to live our lives according to a meme, but they do represent our collective mindset. We take in the Nike advertisements, we watch motivational speakers, we put “bungee jumping” on our online dating profile even though our interest is reading. We buy into all of this because at some level we are at least dissatisfied, at most unhappy. We all want change of some kind and so we look for these incentives as a catalyst for change. But I think we’ve been selling ourselves short. Change is not enough.

Let this be our new year’s resolution. In 2017, let’s not change. Let’s grow.

The difference between change and growth lies in where we start. If you're willing to try out a "word" this year, the one I invite you to use for 2017 is ACCEPT. Even though this wasn’t my word for 2016, it’s a notion I’ve embraced all year long. Accept what is. It might seem wishy washy compared to those other, more dynamic action words. It might even seem counterintuitive to growth. Stick with me.

Even though you may DO NEW THINGS and BE BRAVE, do you still find yourself where you’ve always been, only more tired? Sometimes those well intentioned sentiments don’t allow us to acknowledge when we feel weak or sad or powerless. We skip this step in order to BE FIERCE, SMILE MORE, and SAY YES TO EVERYTHING. We contort ourselves trying to fake it ‘till we make it. Those pithy proverbs promise us that if we can just be everything we haven’t been, we’ll be happy! 

If we have the blueprint thrown in our faces every year, why haven't we made lasting changes? Maybe it's because the things we are trying to change are unchangeable. I know, blashphemy in the age of self empowerment, right? Does this mean we should sit and marinate in our problems? No. What it does mean is that we must first receive the truth of them.

Try this: Sit with yourself and think about whatever the situation is you would like to make better. Then utterly, down to your core, accept it wholeheartedly. Accept it without any what if’s or if only’s or should have’s. Accept it without thinking, Life is unfair or Maybe if I did this or This wasn’t how I thought it would be. Accept it without any excuses or wishes, without giving or taking blame. Accept it because it is, without any qualifiers at all. 

This may not come easy. It most likely will not be a one-time event. My son has challenges I wish he didn’t have to face. I have to renew my acceptance every day or else I’d get stuck in the if only script. And from that position, I couldn’t do what I need to do to help him reach his potential. But I also have to accept that I’m not in control of him reaching his potential; I can only do my part. That’s an even harder acceptance, but just as crucial. That is where the peace lies. I don't expend my energies trying to change the problem. That fight doesn’t exist because I accept what is. I can focus on myself and how I grow from this and become better at helping him. The change is concentrated on where it needs to be, my own growth, not the unchangeable situation. 

Your unchangeable situations might not be as permanent as my example. It may be a job you dislike or where you live or a relationship. When you fully accept any of those things, you will feel less desire to change them and more desire to look inward. You won't simply be grasping at change, going back and forth like saloon doors. You will build your foundation of growth, which ultimately may change those outward circumstances.

Change is good. Change your hair style, change your shoes, change your toothpaste brand. But for lasting change? First root yourself in acceptance and grow from there. Because we are who we are, and we should accept that, too.