Like many people, I have a love/hate relationship with
Facebook. On the upside, it’s gotten me in touch with old school friends, given
me a plethora of daily inspirational quotes, and made me keenly aware of people’s
contrasting political viewpoints. On the downside, it’s gotten me in touch with
old school friends, given me a plethora of daily inspirational quotes, and made
me keenly aware of people’s contrasting political viewpoints. You see the
problem.
I think people just aren’t meant to have 300 friends. I’m
certain the Friends category on
Facebook was once culled from an original and more accurate label: Anyone You Ever Came Across in Your Lifetime.
I had never really kept in touch with anyone from my hometown since being
dragged from New York to Texas mid-junior year by my father who thought he was
going to be the next J.R. Ewing (he wasn’t). So the nostalgia upon first
finding these familiar pals was heady. Plus, there’s the aspect of wanting to
catch up, like the first hour of a high school reunion. What does everyone look
like now? What are they up to? But after many months, I began to feel like the
girl who’s waiting for her ride to leave the party well past midnight when the
beer is stale and my mascara is smudgy and the pounding music is making my ears
ring. I just wanted to metaphorically go to breakfast with the people I connected
with, and wave so long to the ones who hadn’t progressed much beyond their
glory days.
It took me years before I pared the list down, because I
didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings if by chance they noticed their friend
total went from 272 to 271. To unfriend
someone seemed so harsh. But I finally realized that those particular acquaintances
probably didn’t want to be besieged with every milestone photo of my son any
more than I wanted to be inundated with their You Tube music videos “covertly”
chronicling their dating life (love songs intertwined with sex songs invariably
followed by break-up songs).
For me, a shared history is not enough to sustain a
friendship, even a cyber one. When we were young, deciding whether to be
friends with someone was often as simple as the proximity of your age, your
houses, or your classroom assigned seats. In fact, a lot of times it didn’t
even feel like a decision had been made. You just started riding bikes after
school together or made the same sports team and before you knew it, you were
friends. I’m pickier now, which at first felt a little judgmental to me. Then I
realized – probably because of one of those Be
True to Yourself type Facebook quotes – that I’m allowed to be choosey. I’m
allowed to surround myself with people who are authentic and share my core values.
I’ve been told in three sentences or less in those colorful little boxes with
the cool fonts that I don’t have to put up with other people’s drama,
ignorance, or negativity.
So now, four years later, I’m left with Facebook friends
who I really enjoy interacting with on a regular basis. Especially with work,
kids, spouses, and all around busy schedules, getting together with nearby
friends can be a challenging endeavor. So to be able to just log on and share a
chuckle, a tragedy, support one another’s career endeavors, or crow about our
children’s accomplishments - all with a few keystrokes - seems pretty nifty to
me now. In fact, it might even make being bullied to re-post someone’s personal
cause (97% of you won’t do it!) worth it.
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